Self Exile

Zindgi, Maut aur Mohabbat

“zindagi ka koi ma’ni nahi ha… it is simply meaningless”

yeh baat woh roz kisi na kisi say kehti thi. Us ki ammi ka khayal tha k university main aisi batyin parhai jati hain. Us ki university walay samajhtay thay k yeh jo ajeeb si kitabyin parhti ha unhoon nay is ka demag kharab kia ha.

Woh aik bechain larki thi. Har lamha muztarib. Woh samjhti thi k khuda ka koi wajood nahi ha. Is liay usay zindagi ka bhi koi ma’ni nahi nazar aata tha. Uski zindagi kay saray ghum aur sari mushkilon ka boojh us pe tha. Koi khuda us ka boojh halka karnay k liay maujood nahi tha. Din-ba-din yeh boojh us k liay barhta ja raha tha. Har naye ghum k saath us ke nazuk kandhon pe zindagi ka boojh barh jata tha. Phir us ko lagnay laga “we are born to suffer and we will suffer till our death…” Class main itni dafa us nay yeh bola k yeh jumla bhi us k class fellows ko taqreeban yaad ho gaya…

Phir us k dil main maut ki khawish paida hui. Us nay khud-kushi k baray main sochna shuru kar dia. Mar jana usay kafi reasonable lagnay laga. Kam az kam jiye janay say to bohat ziada reasonable. Aik bema’ni zindgi jiye janay say ziada na samjhi ki baat bhi bhala koi aur ho sakti ha. Woh sochti. Aur har dafa usay yehi lagta k Waqai zinda rehna bazat-e-khud aik bema’ni fa’il ha. Jab woh faisla kar chuki us say aglay din us nay mujhe bataya. Mujhe koi khas hairat nahi hui. Lakin maine usay roknay ki koshish ki. Bohat koshish ki. Par mujhe mehsooh hua jitna main usay roknay ki koshish kar raha hoon utna hi us ka irada mazboot hota ja raha ha. To maine bolna band kar dia. Aur woh ghar chali gai.

Woh raat katna mere liay mushkil tha. Jaisi bhi thi akhir ko woh meri class fellow thi.

Aglay roz woh university main thi!! Mere chehray ke ta’surat deekh k woh khud hi boli:

“Mujhe mohabbat ho gai ha… Zindagi itni bhi be-ma’ni nahi ha.. we can bear it.. waise bhi apnay liay zinda rehna koi kamal nahi ha..” woh bol rahi thi aur main muskura raha tha…